Showing Up for Others After Job Loss: What to Say (and What to Avoid)
Uncertainty is a shared human experience, but many people are not only navigating their own challenges but also trying to support others through theirs. Whether it’s a friend facing job loss, a family member dealing with health issues, or a colleague going through personal upheaval, it’s natural to want to help. However, providing meaningful support requires more than just well-intended words—it requires empathy, boundaries, and self-awareness.
Many of us were never taught how to sit with our own difficult emotions, let alone how to support others through theirs. It can be hard to support loved ones during difficult times—it can stir up feelings of helplessness, discomfort, and uncertainty. We often worry that bringing up someone's pain will make them feel worse, or that avoiding the topic will seem insensitive. As a result, many people end up doing nothing, unintentionally creating distance.
In some cultures, grief and hardship are shared openly in community, while in others, they are kept private—making it difficult to know the "right" way to support someone. Job loss, in particular, can carry shame and stigma, making it even harder for people to seek help. But the truth is, there are no perfect words—we are all just imperfect people trying to connect in an uncertain world.
The Difference Between Empathy and Sympathy
Brené Brown’s model of empathy vs. sympathy provides a useful framework when supporting someone through job loss. Her short, three-minute video illustrates this beautifully. Pay attention to the bear and the fox—how does the bear offer true support? And what about the moose? What stands out to you about their responses?
Sympathy often sounds like: “That’s tough. I feel bad for you.” While it acknowledges the situation, it creates emotional distance.
Empathy, on the other hand, involves connecting with the person’s experience, recognizing their emotions, and sitting with them in their discomfort. It might sound like: “I can’t imagine how hard this is for you, but I want you to know I’m here.”
When people are going through uncertainty, they don’t need fixing or minimizing—they need connection and presence.
❌ Things Not to Say (aka The Moose)
Sometimes, despite our best intentions, what we say can make things worse. Here are common phrases to avoid:
1. “At least…”
Nothing helpful ever starts with at least.
Example: “At least you have some savings …” “At least you got a severance…” “At least you got some good work experience…”
Why it’s unhelpful: It minimizes their feelings and tries to force a silver lining before they’re ready.
What to say instead: “That sounds really difficult. I’m here if you want to talk about it.”
2. “Have you tried…?” / “Have you updated your LinkedIn?”
Why it’s unhelpful: Chances are, they have already explored all their options and don’t need a to-do list. Offering unsolicited advice can feel invalidating.
What to say instead: “This situation sounds really frustrating. Do you want to brainstorm solutions, or do you just need someone to listen?”
3. “I know you’ll find a job soon!”
Why it’s unhelpful: This type of toxic positivity dismisses the emotional weight of uncertainty. There are no guarantees, and blind optimism can feel dismissive.
What to say instead: “I believe in your skills, and I know this is a tough time. If you ever need help refining your resume or just want to vent, I’m here.”
4. “They didn’t deserve you anyway! You’ll find something better.”
Why it’s unhelpful: Right now, they’re not thinking about fairness or “deserving.” They are feeling a loss—of security, purpose, or stability. Trying to reframe the situation too soon can feel invalidating.
What to say instead: “I can see how much this meant to you. I know this loss hurts, and I’m here for you.”
5. “I shouldn’t complain to you about my job/work situation right now because I still have one.”
Why it’s unhelpful: This could be seen through the lens of survivor’s guilt, a feeling of unease or guilt when you’ve been spared from a negative event that impacted others. This term originally came from people who survived car accidents or plane crashes. In the workplace, it manifests as relief over keeping a job while others were laid off, followed by guilt.
What to do instead: While it’s natural to feel conflicted, processing this guilt should happen with someone else—a trusted friend, mentor, or therapist—not with the person who just lost their job. Instead, offer presence: “I see how hard this is for you, and I want to be here to support you however I can.
✅ What You Can Say Instead (aka The Bear)
If you’re not sure what to say, it’s okay to be honest about that. The most supportive things you can say often involve acknowledging their feelings, offering presence, and providing tangible support:
“I’m really sorry this happened to you.”
“I don’t know the right words, but I want you to know I’m here.”
“Would it help to talk, brainstorm, or just take a walk to clear your head?”
“I know things are tough right now. I’ll check in next week just to see how you’re doing.”
“Would it be helpful if I sent you a job lead when I see one, or would you rather not think about that right now?”
🚫 Avoid Putting the Burden on Them
Saying “Let me know what you need” sounds helpful, but it actually puts the burden on them to figure it out and ask for help—something that can feel overwhelming when they’re already exhausted. Instead, offer concrete actions:
“I’ll check in with you next week, but no pressure to respond if you’re not up for it.”
“I’ll drop off a coffee or meal for you this week—any preferences?”
“I’d love to take you out for a distraction—let me know if you’d be up for it.”
“I know you’re dealing with a lot right now, so if there’s anything tedious I can take off your plate—like picking up groceries or running an errand—let me know.”
🛑 Setting Boundaries While Supporting Others
Supporting others during uncertainty does not mean absorbing their struggles as your own. Here are ways to help while maintaining healthy boundaries:
Check in with yourself: Are you offering support because you genuinely want to, or because you feel obligated?
Recognize when you need space: If supporting someone is emotionally draining, it’s okay to step back and recharge.
Set limits on how much you can engage: If someone’s situation is overwhelming you, communicate your limits gently:
“I care about you so much, and I want to support you. I also need to take care of my own energy, so I may not always be available to talk, but I will always be here in spirit.”
Encourage them to seek professional help if needed: If someone is struggling deeply, remind them that therapy, career coaching, or other professional support might be beneficial.
✨Final Thoughts
Supporting others through uncertainty requires a mix of empathy, presence, and boundaries. You don’t have to fix their situation or have the perfect words—because that simply does not exist. The most meaningful support comes from showing up, listening, and letting them know they don’t have to go through this alone. Think about the last time you truly felt supported by someone during a tough time. What did they do or didn’t do for you? By offering validation, tangible support, and emotional space, you can be a source of strength without losing yourself in the process.
